Lets SAVE A LIFE.

This is a matter of saving a life.
Words cannot truly emphasize enough how important this is.

Here's the short version:

I have this friend. And he recently introduced me to a situation that has been going on with another one of his friends. It's not good. REALLY not good. This girl has not only lost both her parents (within the last two years), but is also a current victim of physical and sexual abuse. She is completely alone where she is. No friends, family, no one. She is struggling with depression, cutting, addiction to prescription drugs, alcohol, and contemplating suicide.

Unfortunately, my friend is the only person she has to confide in.
We (my friend, I, and another close friend), have been trying to help her via the internet (AIM, e-mail).
Thing is this is getting bad. And fast. We need to intervene in a much more serious manner.
Recently, we came up with this idea.
We want to show her love. True love. To show her that her life matters. That there is hope. That we can help. That God loves her and has a plan for her life.
It might help you understand if you read the TWLOHA story (http://www.twloha.com/vision) ; it is similar to what we would like to do for her.

Here's the deal: We need to raise money for one round trip plane ticket.
My friend is the only person she truly trusts.
We need to get him here. That is the only way she would be willing to come meet us here.
Once he is here, we would pick her up from o'hare.
For a week or more we are going to love her, care for her, get her out of the horrible situation she's in,
and possibly check her into rehab.

We need help though.
My friend has set up a craigslist ad.
Please visit this link: http://bellingham.craigslist.org/for/1592570061.html
There is more info there.
If you can help at all, please send me a message or send him an e-mail.
OR email : lsbethechange@gmail.com, him or I will respond with more info.

Thank you all for taking this seriously.
And thank you for any help you can provide.
Prayers are always needed and welcome.

-b.

I wrote this a long time ago. But a lot of it is still true in my heart.

I have so much love to give.
I'm willing to give it all away.
The only question I have is,
who is going to give all their love to me?
Is there room for both of us?
Can we overcome?

Things go wrong every other day.
I don't like wanting to give up every other day.
It's a horrible feeling.
I always try my best to put you first.
Of all the humans on this earth, you are currently my favorite.
Can we make this work?
Is this meant to be?

Blurred images of my wedding day.
A dress. Flowers. A small ceremony.
But who is the groom?
Only God knows.
But for now, I'm praying every night it's you.

I've bottled up too much and soon it will all pour out.
Tears will hit the pillow like rain on concrete.
What have I done?
God, what have I done?
I don't deserve your forgiveness.
Are things supposed to be this way?
Is this part of your plan for me?
Why is it so hard for me to trust you?
You're all I have. I'll do whatever it takes.
Please...help me.
I'm scared for my well being.
Can I do this? I want to.
Will it work this time around? I hope so.

The world is eating away at us,
filling us with it's lies hidden as truths.
Flash your brights.
Open your eyes with me.
We can do this.
We can do this.
We can do this.

You're all I have.
Please don't leave me.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm so scared.
Go to bed, little girl.
His angels will protect you.
I promise.

-b.
3.8.09
12:30AM

Full moon.

The moon looks beautiful tonight.
Let's invest in love.
Real love. Not just that romantic kind.
On this cold winter's night.
Let's hold hands and talk about our existence.
Look at that open sky.
Do you think God is here with us?
Do you think He chuckles when we do?
I think He does.
Let's lie in this open field and cuddle under a blanket.
Let's talk about how amazing it is that we're alive.
How thankful we are for all the good and the bad.
Because everything that happens, we can learn from.
Sometimes it may take days.
Sometimes years.
But it always works for the best.
I'm so grateful for the good. But especially the bad.
I love the feeling when I know I've learned something from my past.
Isn't it nice to know I love you?
There aren't many people I would give up so much for.
But you deserve the best.
Whether it's with me or not in the future, I'm just happy for the present.
Thank you for talking with me.
Listening to me.
And most of all, for caring about me.
Thank God for best friends.
I'm truly blessed.
And that's what my life is about right now.
As I lie in this open field.
On this cold winter's night.
Staring at the ravishing moon in all it's beauty.
With you.

-b.

WORDS.

Can you hear me?
Do you hear the song I'm singing to you?
Every part of my soul is woven in those words
You do still love me, right?

Do you still believe in me?
Because I'm having trouble believing in myself
Am I still of worth?

I know you'll always love me
But the whispers in my head stab my thoughts with doubt
You're voice resonates as you say "goodbye..."

Fill me with life again
I want to live
I want to change the world
Will you hold on with me?
Will you make today a brighter day?

I want to sit with you in a field and talk for days
Gaze at the stars and see the sunrise
I don't want to let you go
Please don't go.

I'll be your friend as many days as there are stars
I'll love you to eternity
Will you love me?

I know I don't always make sense
But isn't there something kinda beautiful about that?

I wish you could see how I see
Feel how I feel
Love how I love.
Don't sit on the sidelines
Run with me.
We can make a difference
Just take hold of my hand.

Don't ever stop snapping the camera
These memories need to be kept
Otherwise they'll fade away
And I'm not sure I could handle that.

Don't forget me, ok?
I'm still here
In motion
I'll break if I stop
So I'll keep going.

My love is free.
My life is Yours.
Take it
Use me
Change me into something amazing.
For You.

Do you feel better now?

I feel sick to my stomach.
Why does this keep happening?
The words you speak are so convincing, but none are the truth.
Misconceptions grow and are revealed once my heart is already involved.
Does it make you feel smart to know you had me fooled?
Who can I depend on? Do I have anyone at all?
Don't speak if you can't back up your words. Don't lead if you don't want me to follow.
Do you realize what you've done?
Where did my heart go? There's a huge hole where it used to be.
I'm terrified. You took my home. And now I have nowhere to go.
Do you feel accomplished for leaving me homeless?
How long will this go on? Am I just not good enough?
What does it take for you to love me?
Everything seems pointless. They all know.
They laugh because they know. They know you had me and I fell for it.
Do you feel superior making me feel like an idiot?
Should I even open my mouth anymore?
Jesus, please come take me home. I feel suffocated on this earth.
I need to feel loved. I need to feel wanted. I need to feel like I belong.
Fill this void inside of me and take this pain away.
I'll walk this earth alone today, physically.
Their friendship isn't real. Sure, they can say it is. But I'm done falling for that.
Pick me up, God. Cause I can't do this on my own.
Hold me up today. For every step I take is one step away from falling on my face.
Do you feel better now?
Don't bother if you are just saying things to make me feel different.
I don't want different. I want the truth.
I want love. I want to be cared for.
But you can't be that person when nothing you say is real.
I must be insane to think I was special to you.
But I'm just another face in the crowd.
Lord, please just take me home. I want to go home.
There I'll find my heart. And gosh, do I miss it.
Bring me back to that place of comfort and peace.
Bring that warmth and love back.
Be forgiving cause I know I'm not perfect.
But I still love you. I always will.
And I thank God, because he is the one that loves me.
One day this will all go away. One day everything will be ok.
We can do this. I'll get through it.
You tell me I'm worth it and You are the only one I can trust.
Show them what love is.
Let's make this world a better place.
Bring back my heart. I want to give it to others.
We can do this.
Do you feel better now?

Join the TWLOHA Team! :)

If you are a fan of this organization and believe in what they do, I would strongly encourage you to become a part of their team and spread the message they try to share with all people: You are not alone. We are by your side. <3

Follow TWLOHA on Twitter!

I am very passionate about this organization. If you don't know much about them, check out TWLOHA.com. If you have a Twitter, feel free to follow them at http://twitter.com/twloha.

Fasting For Darfur, Day 3.

Final Day:May 13th, 2009 (written May 14, 2009)

I woke up and only made it about 10 minutes before I knew I couldn't do it any longer. I only had 13 more hours to go, but I also knew I might have to work that day. I felt so weak it was difficult to even lift my hands above my head. I knew that I would have to do that while stocking things at work. As much as I wanted to keep going, I felt God tell me that I needed to eat something. So I asked my mom to go get me some Gatorade and a banana. I ended up having one more banana on the way to her work. At that point, I was done. I think 59 hours was pretty impressive though. I was surprised I had made it that far. It really does sadden me though to know that the people in Darfur, when they feel the way that I did that morning, had no option sometimes but to keep on starving. You know, over the days I would carry around these cards that Compassion sent me about children and the poor to help me remember why I was doing this. To help me remember that I was doing this for God and all the mothers, children, and families in Darfur who have to go through this every day. I will close with all of those verses.

But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind. - Luke 14:13

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. - 1 Corinthians 13:3

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. - James 1:27

Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? - James 2:5

"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" declares the Lord. - Jeremiah 22:16

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. - Micah 6:8

See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. - Matthew 18:10

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. - Matthew 28:19

He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God. - Proverbs 14:31

He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward him for what he has done. - Proverbs 19:17

He who gives to the poor will lack nothing, but he who closes his eyes to them receives many curses. - Proverbs 28:27

The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern. - Proverbs 29:7

For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own... At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality. - 2 Corinthians 8:3, 14

They also will answer, "Lord when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?" He will reply, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life. - Matthew 25:44-46

Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? - James 2:15-16

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. - 1 John 3:17-18

All they asked was that we should continue to remember the poor, the very thing I was eager to do. - Galatians 2:10

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. - 1 Timothy 6:17-18

Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me. - Mark 9:37

When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." - Mark 10:14

If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered. - Proverbs 21:13

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. - Proverbs 22:6

Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the Lord delivers him in times of trouble. - Psalm 41:1

I know that the Lord secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy. - Psalm 140:12

And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward. - Matthew 10:42

And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. - Matthew 18:5

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak fairly and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy. - Proverbs 31:8-9

Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. - Isaiah 1:17

God bless all of you who read this and prayed for me and Darfur throughout the days. Remember you can still do this fast anytime for any amount of days you'd like. Just go to www.fastdarfur.org to learn more.

-B. <3

Fasting For Darfur. Day 1 & 2.

Day 1: Monday, May 11, 2009 (written on May 12)

Yesterday was my first day of fasting. I had work from 9am-1pm. I hadn't eaten since dinner the night before. It wasn't till around 11am or so that I started to feel queasy. At that time, I went and asked my boss if I could go get some water. I went over to Subway and asked for one of their biggest cups for some water because I was fasting. They were hesitant at first and said those were only supposed to go with meals, but once I mentioned why I needed it, they quickly understood and gave me one. I'll admit I was extremely tempted to get a meal. But I knew I had made this commitment to myself, to God, and to those in Darfur for the next 3 days. So, I used my willpower and walked back to work after getting my water. When I got back, I told my boss why I had to go get water. She made a comment that somewhat offended me about how it was stupid or something (not her exact words) and how she understood why I would do it, but that she was afraid I was going to get sick or ruin my body internally. I know she didn't say any of it to be mean and I know she was just being concerned. I just told her I think I'll be fine and took my water back with me behind the register. After work, I was feeling better. I came home and while I was immediately tempted to eat since our garage door leads straight into out kitchen, I passed it and took my water with me to the couch to watch some CSI. It wasn't till around 3pm or so that my stomach first grumbled. I thought, "Oh, here we go." But throughout the day, even though I was hungry, I distracted myself with other things and that helped a lot. I went and got my mom around 4:30 from work and took her to the grocery store. I stayed in the truck so as to not be tempted much more. While my family ate dinner, I stayed in a seperate room. Later that night, my mom was cutting up a mango. Forgetting that I was fasting, she called me over. Once I got in the room, she remembered, and said, "Oh. I'm sorry...I was going to ask you a question, but I can't...." I replied, " You were going to ask if I wanted some mango, right?" She shook her head yes. I told her it was alright and went back to what I was doing. I played some guitar later that night while watching America's Next Top Model on Oxygen. It was Hallelujah by Paramore, if anyone is interested. Around 9 or so, Michael came and got me and we went to the centre for a walk. Shortly after 10, we came home and I watched some TV with my mom. I went to bed a few hours later. The night before I started this, I made a playlist. I knew that God, music, people and water were going to be the only things to get me through this. I could easily access the people and water. But when the people weren't there, I now had a 83 song playlist to help me out. I made sure all the songs meant something. And that they were all Christian artists. I haven't gotten to it yet, but I know the song "The Shadow Proves The Sunshine" by Switchfoot is going to help a lot. It's encouraging to know Jon Foreman is also taking part in this fast. As for God, He is always there. Luckily, He has blessed me by just last week having the organization Compassion send me some little cards with Bible verses about the needy and poor. Reading those really helps me stay focused on why I am am doing this. I'm not doing this to lose weight or to do something daring. I'm doing this because I want to be reminded that people are going through this every day. Mothers in Darfur are waking up not knowing how they are going to feed their child the next day. People are being taken out of their homes by violent means. Children are being slaughtered and women being raped. While I can't know exactly how they feel, for three days I can be reminded of the hunger that they face on a daily basis. It's hard enough doing this for three days and they have to go through it every day. It just reminds me how much I need to pray for these people.

Day 2: Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I woke up this morning and immediately felt weaker. I expected that. Luckily I don't feel dizzy or short of breath, but weaker, yes. I know today is going to either make or break me. I'm so hungry. Already, I've made a list of all the foods I want when I'm done fasting. Every commercial with food in it makes my mouth water. And to imagine the people in Darfur never know when their next meal will come to them. I have the luxury of knowing that tomorrow, around 7:00, I will be able to eat my first meal in 72 hours. Today is defintely much harder than yesterday. I'd done the 24 hour famine before. I know it's hard, but not impossible. Doing this for 3 days is much harder than I expected it to be. I recently just talked to my mom about how I'm doing today. She thinks it's important that I take some vitamins as soon as she can get some to me. I think she's gonna get me those Flinstones vitamins we all took as kids. She (nor I) want me to pass out. She asked if I could chew some gum, if that would be alright, and I told her I felt bad enough taking the vitamins when the people in Darfur can't, and that I wasn't going to chew gum because I didn't want to stray any farther from the commitment I made. She understood. Today isn't over yet. And I know it's just going to get harder. I will most likely come back and finish this entry later tonight. I have an on call from 10am-2pm tomorrow. If I work, please pray that I am able to handle my hunger that last day.

Part II:
I didn't get the vitamins. My mom got me some for every day stuff, but the pharmacist apparently told her they wouldn't be any benefit to me when I'm fasting. The pharmacist told my mom that I was loosing electrolytes and that she should buy some Gatorade for me to drink and gain some of my electrolytes back. When my mom told me this, I told her absolutely not unless I was about to pass out. I told her it was bad enough I wanted vitamins. Those suffering in Darfur don't have the options of vitamins and Gatorade. So neither will I. I promised her that tomorrow night at dinner time I will have Gatorade with my meal. Tomorrow morning I will take a water bottle full of Gatorade just in case I need it. But I will also be taking many many waterbottles (especially if I have to work). The rest of today has been pretty difficult. Every time I see food I want it. The list of food I mentioned earlier has just grown (photo below). And there is still so much more I will most likely add to that list. I am literally starving. But you know what? That's ok. It's for a good reason. I believe that by doing this I will never forget to pray for those who are hungry, needy, and poor. I made it through today and that really amazes me. I seriously feel like I'm about to loose it. But I know that when I go to work with my mom in the morning and watch kids at 7am, I'll only have 12 hours left to go. I can do this. I know I can. I could use all the support I can get. Please pray for strength for those in Darfur and for me in my last day of fasting. Thank you so much for taking the time to care.

-B.

"The Temptation List"

No Gift To Bring.

It's been 6 months since I wrote a blog here. It's not that nothing has happened, it just slipped my mind to write. A lot has happened actually. But I really don't feel like writing about the last 6 months unless they're special things I feel like sharing. For instance, I got a new job. I'm now working at Victoria's Secret. I actually like it there a lot better than I would. I'm so glad that God has blessed me with that job. Now I just need to keep looking for a second job so I can save up more money on my way to becoming more adult. Other than that, Michael and I are still together and I couldn't be happier. He took me to the opera for Valentine's and bought me a really nice dress. We've just shared some great moments with taking polaroids, learning songs, and just being with each other. I know it sounds cheesy sometimes, but I am completely in love with this guy. Never in any of my other relationships have I felt this way. And I'm glad those other relationships didn't work out because I wouldn't have Michael if they did. I wouldn't have this honest, God-fearing, loving, caring, handsome, talented person that God has blessed me with. Granted we have our falling outs at times, but we always work it out. He doesn't just give up on me and that is amazing to me. So many other guys would just leave, but Michael loves me enough that he's willing to work through things with me. That means a lot to me. I really think Michael is going to be around for a while. God could not have done a better job at giving me exactly what my heart needed.

Speaking of God, He is just so amazing to me. He has shown me love so much throughout my life and I realize a lot of times I take it for granted. I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to give back. I don't deserve the love He's given me and yet no matter how many times I fail, He's still always there to hold me. In this last year and a half or so, I have grown so much closer to God than I thought I ever could. I've also failed God in many ways that I never thought He could ever forgive. I realize what's important in my life. No matter what I'm doing, no matter where I am; it's to glorify God. It was just announced in my church today that there will be another opportunity this fall to go to Israel. I want to go SO badly. I'm saving for lots of other things, but that one is also very important to me. I'm going to try my hardest to raise the funds this time. There will be a lot less spending my money this year and much more saving. On top of that, I realized how much I want to help out others. I want to do mission trips and find any way possible to grow closer to God. That's one thing I've noticed about being a Christian. Once you have God, you just want more and more of Him. You want to know everything about Him and do everything you can to make Him happy. I know I'm still young, but I feel like I have so little time to do all the things I want to do. God could take me at any time. And to be honest, I'm not afraid of death. I know where I'm going when I die. I'm afraid for all my friends and family who don't know where they're going. Or who think they do, but really don't. I'm gonna post a link to a video below that basically says what I just said, but when I saw that video I realized that was exactly how I felt about the people in my life. I want to be a servant of God, I want to go out and make disciples like I was told to (Matthew 28:18-20). I want to use my voice to glorify God. I want to use my skills to glorify God. I want to use all of me to glorify God. Because this body doesn't belong to me. I've been loaned it. This body belongs to God because He created it. And if they creator of the universe, after all He's done, can still find the time and place in His heart to care about me, I think that's something worth recognizing. I think that is more than enough reason to give Him my all. I won't lie that I don't know what I want to do with my life. I know I'm passionate about photography, music, people, etc. In my opinion, it's up to God what I end up doing, not me. It's not always easy, but trusting God is all there is. If I don't get a job I want or something goes wrong in my life, I just have to trust that God has something better in store for me. He has a different plan for me. If I had all the time in the world, I wish I could blog about all the things God has been teaching me. It's A LOT. If you ever have any questions, I'll do my best to answer. Other than that, I want to share something that I will be taking part in starting today (Monday) and would hope you would join with me. For the next three days, I will be taking part in a three day fast (http://fastdarfur.org/?cat=39). Please pray for me in this endeavor. It will be tough, but it is something the Lord has put on my hear to take part in.

Link: http://www.thedoorpost.com/joy/film/?film=8c36c1e42279b9278a0481df2405976d

Lastly, I always like to end with a song (well, two this time). Right now, Michael is teaching me the song Hallelujah by Paramore on guitar. However, singing being my first insurment, the words always mean the most to me. The words might be talking about a romantic relationship to some people, but to me I especially see the chorus more about my realtionship with God. I'm not giving up on my relationship with God, it will last forever, and weather I'm up in heaven or down here on earth I will be singing Hallelujah to Him all my days.

Chorus:
This time we're not giving up
Let's make this last forever
Screaming Hallelujah
Hallelujah

The other song is Amazing Grace. Now, one of my favorite versions of it would be done by The Almost, even though they change the verses lyrics. Michael and I were talking about this the other day. SO many kids these days like The Almost. They'll go to their shows and know all the words to all the songs. And when this song gets played, once again they sing their hearts out. And the fact is, not all those kids probably know what they're saying. While there many be many Christians in the audience singing to God with all their heart, many kids might just see it as a pretty song. But that's part of the beauty of music. It's ability to open eyes and ears to things that might not otherwise be seen or heard. I've heard stories about how this song has changed people's lives. I think we all should take a good look at the words and try to fully comperhend the meaning of them. Really dig deep into what Amazing Grace is. How sweet it sounds. I know I was once completely lost, but thanks to God I am now found. I once was blind, but He opened my eyes to let me see.

Amazing Grace:

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snare.
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

God Bless You ALL.

I need you here, I need you now.

Disclaimer: The majority of this post has been deleted. I finally realized just how whiny about my life I used to be. Well, no more. Life is good. God is good. God is life.

So I've been listening to a lot of The Rocket Summer and Relient K lately. And I have to say, the message behind the words is amazing. I don't know how many people notice how much their relationship with God influences their lyrics. I just love it. I could listen to them all day. As a matter of fact, it's what's been keeping me going lately.

God Bless.
Brittany

p.s. Totally remembered last minute my first intentions in writing this blog. There are some certain friends who I'd really like to get reacquainted with. No. I lie. Cause then we would be acquaintances. Friends who I'd like to develop stronger friendships with. Because I have a few friends now, but none like my one's from WA. I miss people and I really want to have some best friends again. So if Katie, Spencer, Brandy, Caitlin, Tori, Steve, Brian Bradley, Stephanie, Nicole, Kyle, Monica, Mickey, Christina, Mea, Liz, Alex, Lacey, Justin, Khristy, Ikaika, Emily, Hayden, Dustin, Danny( this list could go on for a while) have any intrest to take some time out to somewhat rekindle our friendships I think that would be great. I understand we're all busy with school and work. I just hope you all know that even if you don't have time for me, I will always be here for you. I really hope we can become closer soon. I miss you all so much. You all should have my number. Don't hesitate to call or text anytime.

I laugh when you fall down...

Disclaimer: This post was also edited for personal reasons. Please respect that. The past is in the past, the future is the only thing that matters now. While this blog still conveys some strong emotions, they are the ones I choose to share. Things have changed and I will decide what gets read and what doesn't from now on.

Where to start? It's funny to think that even though I'm done with high school there is so much drama left in my life. This past week has just proven to me how true that is. As much as I don't want this to be a "gossip" blog, this is something I feel I have to do. Getting my true feelings out is hard for me. I'm not one to automatically just open up to people. I have trust issues and I usually won't tell you everything I'm thinking. This is a way for me to get everything out, have you know (whether it be for your benefit or not), and really feel better at the end of the day. As I sit here in my basement, I have so many thoughts and emotions going through my head, I really don't know where to begin. Do I begin at the beginning of the week? Do I start now and Tarantino it? I really have no clue. So if you get lost reading this, sorry, but it was your decision to start anyways.
Alright. So as some of you reading this may know, I'm having a early birthday/late graduation party this weekend. And let me tell you, it's been insane trying to plan this thing. I can't say just how many fights my mom and I have gotten into, but one resulted in my driving on the side of the road, following her as she walked, begging her to get in the truck so we could go home. This party has been an plethora of stress on me, not to mention the fact that life is still going on. Now, I don't want to be rambling on all night, so I'm going to try and make this as short and fast as possible (even if it doesn't seem like it).
My mom is driving me crazy. But then again she is my mother. I know she loves me and is just looking out for my well being, but I would really love it if I could start being treated more as an adult and less like a child.
Moving on. I have no idea what's going on with Michael and me. Are we dating? Are we not? I don't freaking know. I know we like each other, but other than that, I'm just as lost as you. Of course the first guy I like when I move back here is going to be the one that wants to get to know me better before dating me. I feel like I totally just got thrown into that. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but as much as I try to be patient, I don't know how good I am at it. I know he thinks it seems like I just want a boyfriend to have a boyfriend (which is totally not true- I'd like a lasting relationship, thank you very much), but I also don't want to wait 6 months for getting him to "know me". It would drive me crazy. I'm not saying that I try to be a girl who rushes into things, but I'm not gonna lie, I wear my heart on my sleeve. And to be honest, I've never really met someone like Michael. He's a great guy and all, and my parents like him, but everything just seems so "???" when I'm around him sometimes. I mean, even the girls at my church who dated within the church still kissed and hugged and we able to call the person they liked their boyfriend. I know I sound totally desperate, I just hate being unsure of things. And Michael is someone I'm very unsure of right now. It just is one more confusing thing for me to have to deal with.

On top of all this, let's talk friends. I have them here, but as of now, I'd call them acquaintances. The only real friend I have right now is Michael. Everyone else has hung out with me maybe once or twice, but other than that they never call, text, NADA. Am I really that annoying or hard to get along with? I like to think I'm quite the people person, but maybe I'm wrong. I mean, even my friends back in WA don't keep great touch with me. I have to do all the work. I hate having to do all the work. It would just be nice if some people showed they cared about me back.
Anyways...I feel like I've ranted quite a bit now. I really hope this doesn't become a rant blog every time because I really am capable of more than that. I guess some good things that have happened would be getting a phone call about someone buying my FF5 pictures, getting my hair fixed tomorrow, turning 18 in 9 days, having some people actually attend my party, and hopefully making some new friends. Some REAL friends.
Well, I guess I'll make my exit with a song. A song that I usually listen to when things are going this way. The lyrics are definitely interesting and you can interpret them however you'd like, but this is just how I feel sometimes. And for some reason, this song always makes me feel at least a little bit better. So here you go. Enjoy.

-Brittany

"Underbelly" by As Tall As Lions

I'm so tired of waiting
For your sins to come along
If I said you're beautiful
I'd be wrong

Oh, there is nothing baby
When I look into your eyes
But your so far between your little white lie

Maybe next time
We can both find someone to hold down
someone to hold down

Wait 'til I start speaking
Tell you what you wanna hear
Let me whisper very softly, in your ear

In the future maybe
We can try to work it out
Then I'll laugh and let you cry by yourself

Maybe this time
We can both find someone to hold down
someone to hold down

Maybe you can make me laugh
When you trip and fall down
I laugh when you fall down

Maybe you can make me laugh
When you trip and fall down
laugh when you fall down
I laugh when you fall down

You can listen to it here, if you want: http://www.purevolume.com/apcomp

How To Deal.

Disclaimer: This is not the post that started this blog. I edited it for personal reasons. Things that are in the past and need to stay there. I kept some key things I wanted to say. I know this doesn't flow, but these are statements I didn't want to let go. Everything else that was in here is in the past and doesn't need to be read or talked about anymore.

I know I'm not always right about everything, but if there's one thing I'm absolutely 100% positive about it's the fact that there is a God. One God. There is a heaven and hell. And there's only one way to get to the first one.

Other than that, it's not my battle to fight. (2 Chron. 20:15) It took me a long time to realize it, but I finally have.

Anyways, some good stuff that's happened lately would be: getting into Warped for free, having Solomon Olds (lead singer of FF5) get me a press pass to take photos of them at Warped, meeting my Chicago AP street team, meeting The Academy Is..., getting to see some of my friends at Warped, getting my camera fixed, getting Photoshop C3 Extended, meeting some amazing people, having Michael want to record with me and meet his producer, and learning that God has a plan for me. There is no way that all of the above things could have happened without Him. I'm not ashamed to say I love God and let Him guide my life. I mean, I still have free will and all, but He helps me see the right from wrong and make the right choice. And when I make the right choice, He brings great things into my life, such as the above.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4

I'll have some of my FF5 photos up soon. For now, enjoy this video. I hope it makes you smile.