Sunday, May 10, 2009

No Gift To Bring.

It's been 6 months since I wrote a blog here. It's not that nothing has happened, it just slipped my mind to write. A lot has happened actually. But I really don't feel like writing about the last 6 months unless they're special things I feel like sharing. For instance, I got a new job. I'm now working at Victoria's Secret. I actually like it there a lot better than I would. I'm so glad that God has blessed me with that job. Now I just need to keep looking for a second job so I can save up more money on my way to becoming more adult. Other than that, Michael and I are still together and I couldn't be happier. He took me to the opera for Valentine's and bought me a really nice dress. We've just shared some great moments with taking polaroids, learning songs, and just being with each other. I know it sounds cheesy sometimes, but I am completely in love with this guy. Never in any of my other relationships have I felt this way. And I'm glad those other relationships didn't work out because I wouldn't have Michael if they did. I wouldn't have this honest, God-fearing, loving, caring, handsome, talented person that God has blessed me with. Granted we have our falling outs at times, but we always work it out. He doesn't just give up on me and that is amazing to me. So many other guys would just leave, but Michael loves me enough that he's willing to work through things with me. That means a lot to me. I really think Michael is going to be around for a while. God could not have done a better job at giving me exactly what my heart needed.

Speaking of God, He is just so amazing to me. He has shown me love so much throughout my life and I realize a lot of times I take it for granted. I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to give back. I don't deserve the love He's given me and yet no matter how many times I fail, He's still always there to hold me. In this last year and a half or so, I have grown so much closer to God than I thought I ever could. I've also failed God in many ways that I never thought He could ever forgive. I realize what's important in my life. No matter what I'm doing, no matter where I am; it's to glorify God. It was just announced in my church today that there will be another opportunity this fall to go to Israel. I want to go SO badly. I'm saving for lots of other things, but that one is also very important to me. I'm going to try my hardest to raise the funds this time. There will be a lot less spending my money this year and much more saving. On top of that, I realized how much I want to help out others. I want to do mission trips and find any way possible to grow closer to God. That's one thing I've noticed about being a Christian. Once you have God, you just want more and more of Him. You want to know everything about Him and do everything you can to make Him happy. I know I'm still young, but I feel like I have so little time to do all the things I want to do. God could take me at any time. And to be honest, I'm not afraid of death. I know where I'm going when I die. I'm afraid for all my friends and family who don't know where they're going. Or who think they do, but really don't. I'm gonna post a link to a video below that basically says what I just said, but when I saw that video I realized that was exactly how I felt about the people in my life. I want to be a servant of God, I want to go out and make disciples like I was told to (Matthew 28:18-20). I want to use my voice to glorify God. I want to use my skills to glorify God. I want to use all of me to glorify God. Because this body doesn't belong to me. I've been loaned it. This body belongs to God because He created it. And if they creator of the universe, after all He's done, can still find the time and place in His heart to care about me, I think that's something worth recognizing. I think that is more than enough reason to give Him my all. I won't lie that I don't know what I want to do with my life. I know I'm passionate about photography, music, people, etc. In my opinion, it's up to God what I end up doing, not me. It's not always easy, but trusting God is all there is. If I don't get a job I want or something goes wrong in my life, I just have to trust that God has something better in store for me. He has a different plan for me. If I had all the time in the world, I wish I could blog about all the things God has been teaching me. It's A LOT. If you ever have any questions, I'll do my best to answer. Other than that, I want to share something that I will be taking part in starting today (Monday) and would hope you would join with me. For the next three days, I will be taking part in a three day fast ( Please pray for me in this endeavor. It will be tough, but it is something the Lord has put on my hear to take part in.


Lastly, I always like to end with a song (well, two this time). Right now, Michael is teaching me the song Hallelujah by Paramore on guitar. However, singing being my first insurment, the words always mean the most to me. The words might be talking about a romantic relationship to some people, but to me I especially see the chorus more about my realtionship with God. I'm not giving up on my relationship with God, it will last forever, and weather I'm up in heaven or down here on earth I will be singing Hallelujah to Him all my days.

This time we're not giving up
Let's make this last forever
Screaming Hallelujah

The other song is Amazing Grace. Now, one of my favorite versions of it would be done by The Almost, even though they change the verses lyrics. Michael and I were talking about this the other day. SO many kids these days like The Almost. They'll go to their shows and know all the words to all the songs. And when this song gets played, once again they sing their hearts out. And the fact is, not all those kids probably know what they're saying. While there many be many Christians in the audience singing to God with all their heart, many kids might just see it as a pretty song. But that's part of the beauty of music. It's ability to open eyes and ears to things that might not otherwise be seen or heard. I've heard stories about how this song has changed people's lives. I think we all should take a good look at the words and try to fully comperhend the meaning of them. Really dig deep into what Amazing Grace is. How sweet it sounds. I know I was once completely lost, but thanks to God I am now found. I once was blind, but He opened my eyes to let me see.

Amazing Grace:

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snare.
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

God Bless You ALL.

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