Yesterday was my first day of fasting. I had work from 9am-1pm. I hadn't eaten since dinner the night before. It wasn't till around 11am or so that I started to feel queasy. At that time, I went and asked my boss if I could go get some water. I went over to Subway and asked for one of their biggest cups for some water because I was fasting. They were hesitant at first and said those were only supposed to go with meals, but once I mentioned why I needed it, they quickly understood and gave me one. I'll admit I was extremely tempted to get a meal. But I knew I had made this commitment to myself, to God, and to those in Darfur for the next 3 days. So, I used my willpower and walked back to work after getting my water. When I got back, I told my boss why I had to go get water. She made a comment that somewhat offended me about how it was stupid or something (not her exact words) and how she understood why I would do it, but that she was afraid I was going to get sick or ruin my body internally. I know she didn't say any of it to be mean and I know she was just being concerned. I just told her I think I'll be fine and took my water back with me behind the register. After work, I was feeling better. I came home and while I was immediately tempted to eat since our garage door leads straight into out kitchen, I passed it and took my water with me to the couch to watch some CSI. It wasn't till around 3pm or so that my stomach first grumbled. I thought, "Oh, here we go." But throughout the day, even though I was hungry, I distracted myself with other things and that helped a lot. I went and got my mom around 4:30 from work and took her to the grocery store. I stayed in the truck so as to not be tempted much more. While my family ate dinner, I stayed in a seperate room. Later that night, my mom was cutting up a mango. Forgetting that I was fasting, she called me over. Once I got in the room, she remembered, and said, "Oh. I'm sorry...I was going to ask you a question, but I can't...." I replied, " You were going to ask if I wanted some mango, right?" She shook her head yes. I told her it was alright and went back to what I was doing. I played some guitar later that night while watching America's Next Top Model on Oxygen. It was Hallelujah by Paramore, if anyone is interested. Around 9 or so, Michael came and got me and we went to the centre for a walk. Shortly after 10, we came home and I watched some TV with my mom. I went to bed a few hours later. The night before I started this, I made a playlist. I knew that God, music, people and water were going to be the only things to get me through this. I could easily access the people and water. But when the people weren't there, I now had a 83 song playlist to help me out. I made sure all the songs meant something. And that they were all Christian artists. I haven't gotten to it yet, but I know the song "The Shadow Proves The Sunshine" by Switchfoot is going to help a lot. It's encouraging to know Jon Foreman is also taking part in this fast. As for God, He is always there. Luckily, He has blessed me by just last week having the organization Compassion send me some little cards with Bible verses about the needy and poor. Reading those really helps me stay focused on why I am am doing this. I'm not doing this to lose weight or to do something daring. I'm doing this because I want to be reminded that people are going through this every day. Mothers in Darfur are waking up not knowing how they are going to feed their child the next day. People are being taken out of their homes by violent means. Children are being slaughtered and women being raped. While I can't know exactly how they feel, for three days I can be reminded of the hunger that they face on a daily basis. It's hard enough doing this for three days and they have to go through it every day. It just reminds me how much I need to pray for these people.
Day 2: Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I woke up this morning and immediately felt weaker. I expected that. Luckily I don't feel dizzy or short of breath, but weaker, yes. I know today is going to either make or break me. I'm so hungry. Already, I've made a list of all the foods I want when I'm done fasting. Every commercial with food in it makes my mouth water. And to imagine the people in Darfur never know when their next meal will come to them. I have the luxury of knowing that tomorrow, around 7:00, I will be able to eat my first meal in 72 hours. Today is defintely much harder than yesterday. I'd done the 24 hour famine before. I know it's hard, but not impossible. Doing this for 3 days is much harder than I expected it to be. I recently just talked to my mom about how I'm doing today. She thinks it's important that I take some vitamins as soon as she can get some to me. I think she's gonna get me those Flinstones vitamins we all took as kids. She (nor I) want me to pass out. She asked if I could chew some gum, if that would be alright, and I told her I felt bad enough taking the vitamins when the people in Darfur can't, and that I wasn't going to chew gum because I didn't want to stray any farther from the commitment I made. She understood. Today isn't over yet. And I know it's just going to get harder. I will most likely come back and finish this entry later tonight. I have an on call from 10am-2pm tomorrow. If I work, please pray that I am able to handle my hunger that last day.
Part II:
I didn't get the vitamins. My mom got me some for every day stuff, but the pharmacist apparently told her they wouldn't be any benefit to me when I'm fasting. The pharmacist told my mom that I was loosing electrolytes and that she should buy some Gatorade for me to drink and gain some of my electrolytes back. When my mom told me this, I told her absolutely not unless I was about to pass out. I told her it was bad enough I wanted vitamins. Those suffering in Darfur don't have the options of vitamins and Gatorade. So neither will I. I promised her that tomorrow night at dinner time I will have Gatorade with my meal. Tomorrow morning I will take a water bottle full of Gatorade just in case I need it. But I will also be taking many many waterbottles (especially if I have to work). The rest of today has been pretty difficult. Every time I see food I want it. The list of food I mentioned earlier has just grown (photo below). And there is still so much more I will most likely add to that list. I am literally starving. But you know what? That's ok. It's for a good reason. I believe that by doing this I will never forget to pray for those who are hungry, needy, and poor. I made it through today and that really amazes me. I seriously feel like I'm about to loose it. But I know that when I go to work with my mom in the morning and watch kids at 7am, I'll only have 12 hours left to go. I can do this. I know I can. I could use all the support I can get. Please pray for strength for those in Darfur and for me in my last day of fasting. Thank you so much for taking the time to care.
-B.
"The Temptation List"
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