I wrote this a long time ago. But a lot of it is still true in my heart.

I have so much love to give.
I'm willing to give it all away.
The only question I have is,
who is going to give all their love to me?
Is there room for both of us?
Can we overcome?

Things go wrong every other day.
I don't like wanting to give up every other day.
It's a horrible feeling.
I always try my best to put you first.
Of all the humans on this earth, you are currently my favorite.
Can we make this work?
Is this meant to be?

Blurred images of my wedding day.
A dress. Flowers. A small ceremony.
But who is the groom?
Only God knows.
But for now, I'm praying every night it's you.

I've bottled up too much and soon it will all pour out.
Tears will hit the pillow like rain on concrete.
What have I done?
God, what have I done?
I don't deserve your forgiveness.
Are things supposed to be this way?
Is this part of your plan for me?
Why is it so hard for me to trust you?
You're all I have. I'll do whatever it takes.
Please...help me.
I'm scared for my well being.
Can I do this? I want to.
Will it work this time around? I hope so.

The world is eating away at us,
filling us with it's lies hidden as truths.
Flash your brights.
Open your eyes with me.
We can do this.
We can do this.
We can do this.

You're all I have.
Please don't leave me.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm so scared.
Go to bed, little girl.
His angels will protect you.
I promise.

-b.
3.8.09
12:30AM

Full moon.

The moon looks beautiful tonight.
Let's invest in love.
Real love. Not just that romantic kind.
On this cold winter's night.
Let's hold hands and talk about our existence.
Look at that open sky.
Do you think God is here with us?
Do you think He chuckles when we do?
I think He does.
Let's lie in this open field and cuddle under a blanket.
Let's talk about how amazing it is that we're alive.
How thankful we are for all the good and the bad.
Because everything that happens, we can learn from.
Sometimes it may take days.
Sometimes years.
But it always works for the best.
I'm so grateful for the good. But especially the bad.
I love the feeling when I know I've learned something from my past.
Isn't it nice to know I love you?
There aren't many people I would give up so much for.
But you deserve the best.
Whether it's with me or not in the future, I'm just happy for the present.
Thank you for talking with me.
Listening to me.
And most of all, for caring about me.
Thank God for best friends.
I'm truly blessed.
And that's what my life is about right now.
As I lie in this open field.
On this cold winter's night.
Staring at the ravishing moon in all it's beauty.
With you.

-b.

WORDS.

Can you hear me?
Do you hear the song I'm singing to you?
Every part of my soul is woven in those words
You do still love me, right?

Do you still believe in me?
Because I'm having trouble believing in myself
Am I still of worth?

I know you'll always love me
But the whispers in my head stab my thoughts with doubt
You're voice resonates as you say "goodbye..."

Fill me with life again
I want to live
I want to change the world
Will you hold on with me?
Will you make today a brighter day?

I want to sit with you in a field and talk for days
Gaze at the stars and see the sunrise
I don't want to let you go
Please don't go.

I'll be your friend as many days as there are stars
I'll love you to eternity
Will you love me?

I know I don't always make sense
But isn't there something kinda beautiful about that?

I wish you could see how I see
Feel how I feel
Love how I love.
Don't sit on the sidelines
Run with me.
We can make a difference
Just take hold of my hand.

Don't ever stop snapping the camera
These memories need to be kept
Otherwise they'll fade away
And I'm not sure I could handle that.

Don't forget me, ok?
I'm still here
In motion
I'll break if I stop
So I'll keep going.

My love is free.
My life is Yours.
Take it
Use me
Change me into something amazing.
For You.

Do you feel better now?

I feel sick to my stomach.
Why does this keep happening?
The words you speak are so convincing, but none are the truth.
Misconceptions grow and are revealed once my heart is already involved.
Does it make you feel smart to know you had me fooled?
Who can I depend on? Do I have anyone at all?
Don't speak if you can't back up your words. Don't lead if you don't want me to follow.
Do you realize what you've done?
Where did my heart go? There's a huge hole where it used to be.
I'm terrified. You took my home. And now I have nowhere to go.
Do you feel accomplished for leaving me homeless?
How long will this go on? Am I just not good enough?
What does it take for you to love me?
Everything seems pointless. They all know.
They laugh because they know. They know you had me and I fell for it.
Do you feel superior making me feel like an idiot?
Should I even open my mouth anymore?
Jesus, please come take me home. I feel suffocated on this earth.
I need to feel loved. I need to feel wanted. I need to feel like I belong.
Fill this void inside of me and take this pain away.
I'll walk this earth alone today, physically.
Their friendship isn't real. Sure, they can say it is. But I'm done falling for that.
Pick me up, God. Cause I can't do this on my own.
Hold me up today. For every step I take is one step away from falling on my face.
Do you feel better now?
Don't bother if you are just saying things to make me feel different.
I don't want different. I want the truth.
I want love. I want to be cared for.
But you can't be that person when nothing you say is real.
I must be insane to think I was special to you.
But I'm just another face in the crowd.
Lord, please just take me home. I want to go home.
There I'll find my heart. And gosh, do I miss it.
Bring me back to that place of comfort and peace.
Bring that warmth and love back.
Be forgiving cause I know I'm not perfect.
But I still love you. I always will.
And I thank God, because he is the one that loves me.
One day this will all go away. One day everything will be ok.
We can do this. I'll get through it.
You tell me I'm worth it and You are the only one I can trust.
Show them what love is.
Let's make this world a better place.
Bring back my heart. I want to give it to others.
We can do this.
Do you feel better now?

Join the TWLOHA Team! :)

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Fasting For Darfur, Day 3.

Final Day:May 13th, 2009 (written May 14, 2009)

I woke up and only made it about 10 minutes before I knew I couldn't do it any longer. I only had 13 more hours to go, but I also knew I might have to work that day. I felt so weak it was difficult to even lift my hands above my head. I knew that I would have to do that while stocking things at work. As much as I wanted to keep going, I felt God tell me that I needed to eat something. So I asked my mom to go get me some Gatorade and a banana. I ended up having one more banana on the way to her work. At that point, I was done. I think 59 hours was pretty impressive though. I was surprised I had made it that far. It really does sadden me though to know that the people in Darfur, when they feel the way that I did that morning, had no option sometimes but to keep on starving. You know, over the days I would carry around these cards that Compassion sent me about children and the poor to help me remember why I was doing this. To help me remember that I was doing this for God and all the mothers, children, and families in Darfur who have to go through this every day. I will close with all of those verses.

But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind. - Luke 14:13

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. - 1 Corinthians 13:3

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. - James 1:27

Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? - James 2:5

"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" declares the Lord. - Jeremiah 22:16

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. - Micah 6:8

See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. - Matthew 18:10

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. - Matthew 28:19

He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God. - Proverbs 14:31

He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward him for what he has done. - Proverbs 19:17

He who gives to the poor will lack nothing, but he who closes his eyes to them receives many curses. - Proverbs 28:27

The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern. - Proverbs 29:7

For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own... At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality. - 2 Corinthians 8:3, 14

They also will answer, "Lord when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?" He will reply, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life. - Matthew 25:44-46

Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? - James 2:15-16

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. - 1 John 3:17-18

All they asked was that we should continue to remember the poor, the very thing I was eager to do. - Galatians 2:10

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. - 1 Timothy 6:17-18

Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me. - Mark 9:37

When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." - Mark 10:14

If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered. - Proverbs 21:13

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. - Proverbs 22:6

Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the Lord delivers him in times of trouble. - Psalm 41:1

I know that the Lord secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy. - Psalm 140:12

And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward. - Matthew 10:42

And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. - Matthew 18:5

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak fairly and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy. - Proverbs 31:8-9

Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. - Isaiah 1:17

God bless all of you who read this and prayed for me and Darfur throughout the days. Remember you can still do this fast anytime for any amount of days you'd like. Just go to www.fastdarfur.org to learn more.

-B. <3